<blockquote>His mind was somewhere else, and wherever it was, everything he had was going into keeping it there. Old bruises are easily covered up – they go through their pretty color phases and disappear below the skin. In healing, time is a friend. Now it could only offer a countdown until life dealt him another losing card in the game where self-worth and dignity are automatically at stake with every new deal. Tick tock, tick tock – onwards, soldier. A little sacrifice never hurt anyone. "...you fought? And over me, too? I'm sorry, Koani, I'm really, really... I'm sorry." He stood, his hands tightened on the railing of the deck, sinking deeper into the pseudo-meditative state his body had fashioned to keep him sheltered when old ghosts plucked up the courage to venture out. "I always needed you, 'Ani. I just couldn't bring myself to tell you." What a beautiful life this was. A greater proportion of chunks had been cut out of his life these past years than had been added, creating a huge number of self-inflicted memory gaps. Thankfully, the darkness in the hall blurred his eyes into blank, reflective surfaces with nothing to say. There were still ghosts to be seen in them, disappearing like water down a drain as he settled back to watch his body be tortured and resist the temptation to let his mind fall into the same trap. "I still do." --- Groaning low in his throat, the green-as-poison haired boy thrust his face hungrily nearer, the cool of his features a startling contrast to the hot, panting ministrations of his tongue as it pressed insistently against flesh. He angled his handsomely-crafted head away now, drawing the coolness of his face from from Cay's flesh, letting warm breath shudder over him as his own body convulsed, convulsed again in response to his own sweet attentions. Silken fire was closing over him, cupping him with a tenderness that made him ache, made him tremble. He shifted his limbs further apart, settled his weight to accommodate the weakness in his legs, and dragged his fingers over the sensual curve of his back just before the small. Back and forth, back and forth, a low growl buried deep within his throat, fluttering against the flesh beneath, Cayson's Crow gently bit the other boy's ear in a convulsive reaction to his growing need. "Mmm..." he purred, looking at his lover deep in the eyes. "I love you I love you I love you, puij."</blockquote>
Koani watched Dylan carefully as he gripped the railing. Things could have turned out so differently between them. Still, she didn't didn't regret the time she'd spent with Saber. Even if it had been turbulent at times. “Don't be sorry. There were just times when he felt that he couldn't trust me." The Grader hooked her thumbs into the belt loops of her pants. Trust had always been an issue with her. It was an even greater issue now with all the secrets and lies that she was bound to. “I still do." “I'm here now, Dyl. At least for the time being. I wish I could promise you that I'd be here for you forever... but that's just not the sort of promise I can make. There's a lot of 'dragons out there that simply don't like me. I've been lucky, I guess. So far." ~ “And I love you," Cayson responded, his blue shadowed eyes heavily lidded. Requiem's touch and gentle bites were maddening. Case planted a brief, playful kiss upon Requiem's cheek. His own hands were returning the rock star's sensual touches. He leaned in close, his mouth mere centimetres from Requiem's right ear. “I think we're getting quite the audience..." Cayson's voice was low and laced with an underlying purr.
<blockquote>"I lost my chance to be with you. I lost you." His eyes met hers, and he inhaled shakily. He had a sudden, overwhelming urge to bury his head into her neck and kiss her. "Let me tell you what happens when you cook down loss over the open fire of sorrow - it solidifies into something else. Not anger, as you'd expect, or even sorrow. No, it gets thick as paste, black as ash; yet it isn't until you dip a finger in and feel the sharp taste dissolving on your tongue that you realize this is regret in its purest form, unrefined; a substance to be weighed and measured and spread." There had been times, he admitted, when Dyl had wished he was Saber. Like the time Koani had placed his hand on her egg so he could feel Vela kicking inside, and he'd thought, I should've been the one to make that happen. Or all the times when he was a teenager, wishing he, instead of the orange arden, had the freedom to touch her whenever he wanted, to breathe her in, or feel his pulse jump every time their hands met - those and a million other times that had never belonged to him. "I've always loved you," he whispered. "And I always will." --- Cayson was unbearably beautiful. Requiem snaked with him, covered him with his mouth, poured him in his hands, heated and cooled and shaped his luminosity. He filled his emptiness. How could be so alive in one moment, and then have everything stop - not just your heart and lungs, but the way you smiled softly, the left side of your mouth curling before the right, and the pitch of your voice, and the habit you had of biting your lower lip when you were nervous? It was all he could do not to taste Requiem's skin. "You're so beautiful," he said. So much of the language of love was like that: you devoured someone with your eyes, you drank in the sight of him, you swallowed him whole. Love was sustenence, broken down and beating through your bloodstream. "Mmm... we have to be nice to them, don't we?" So he stopped them for a moment, and leaned in to kiss Cay deeply on the mouth, just in time for the blinking shutter of a camera to catch the moment. An image etched in time forever.</blockquote>
Koani found herself tensing up as Dylan spoke, the quills upon her spine quivering in the darkness. What he was saying was so poetic, so beautiful, but also so terribly sad. Regret. Now he'd met her gaze again. Koani could feel her own eyes burning with unshed tears. Fighting against them, she managed to pull off a quirky sort of half smile. “We're here. It's now. Everything else is guesswork. I love you too, Dyl... but no amount of wishing or hoping is going to change what happened. I'm sorry I've caused you so much... hurt." ~ A deep kiss. A flash. Requiem and Cayson captured in their unmeasurable glamour. It'd give the media enough to gossip over for at least a week. “Nice?" Cay laughed, it was a haughty sounding thing. He wasn't used to playing for the crowd. Generally when people got nosey or in his face, he was quick to let his temper flare. “I'm not nice, 'Quiem. I'm anything but nice. I'm probably the very definition of a jerk... just not when I'm with you."
<blockquote>His heart was beating so fast, as if possibility were something you might cup in your hand. "It's not your fault," he said softly. And then the five most important words in the world. "I love you too, Dyl." He looked at 'Ani, keeping his eyes open as he leaned in to kiss her, so that he would not miss a single, startling moment. Dylan could feel the heat of her like cinnamon candy, the kind that burned. Finally, when Dyl remembered he had to breathe, he tore away from her. He had never been so aware of every inch of his skin; even the bits hidden under layers of ribbons and denim had come alive. "I'm sorry," he said, backing away against the railing. "I - I..." --- "Aw, Cay," Requiem cackled giddily, poking him playfully in the ribs. "It's hard for me to believe that that's true." He squeezed the arden's hand. Requiem suddenly remembered studying the brain in science class - how a steel rod had pierced a man's skull, and he had opened up his mouth to speak Anubi, a language he'd never studied. Maybe it would be that way for Requiem. Maybe from here on in, his native language would be a string of lies, just to keep Cay from getting hurt. "I'll protect you from them," he promised. "Cayson," he said, his name unfurling like a drug in his bloodstream. "We can go somewhere else, if you don't like them."</blockquote>
A fraction of a second before it happened, Koani realized what Dylan was about to do. For years she'd wondered just what his kiss would be like. There'd been multitudes of teasing, hesitant moments in their youth before. The sort of moments where the silence was on the borderline of awkwardness, faces just centimetres too close... and then nothing. The moment would be dissolved. Spirited away on the wings of a butterfly. Now as he kissed her, Koani could feel the storm of emotions brewing deep within her. And much like a storm, there was rain. Several tears escaped from Koani's already glistening eyes. Still, no convulsions or telltale signs of sobbing wracked her body. Then Dylan was gone. Backing away with an apology and stammering words. Not saying anything just yet, Koani reached out for Dylan with her right hand and grabbed him firmly about this left wrist. It was a steadying grip. A reassuring one. “Please don't be sorry," she murmured softly. ~ “Yeah, well..." he drawled. Cayson wasn't exactly well known for being a compassionate and caring sort. Over the past year he'd been in quite a few scuffles. Generally they never resulted in anything overly physical. Just angrily exchanged words and perhaps a few light shoves. Yet, he liked to think that he was getting better control over his temper – over his emotions. “I don't think I really like anyone... aside from you, 'Quiem." He stated as he ran his hands up Requiem's sides. “I mean, there's other exceptions. A few friends. Some family. But none so much come even close to touching where I've put you inside my mind." Cayson planted a delicate kiss upon Requiem's left cheek, a bright smile upon his face.
<blockquote> It was one of those moments one might squeeze in time to contemplate becoming religious. Her eyes closed like butterfly wings, streaming trails of sorrow down her face. He longed to pull her to him, just to hold her there forever. He offered her a weak smile - Koani was a fighter. She was able to do this. And then those perfect fingers closed around his wrist and sent a volt of electricity through his spine and his eyes shot open, and he was captivated, rendered isolated, so motivated, so heated by that single gaze - his blue eyes shot directly into pink, and he could not tear himself away again. "Koani..." he gasped, his hands shaking. "I'm not good enough for you, no, I'm not a man, I'm not a person, I - I -" He couldnÂ’t have it this way. It would undermine the very key to his survival. But he found his arms wheeling forward to wrap himself around her, like the accursed sun, like a storm, like the hurricane raging inside of him. And then he kissed her again. --- Requiem always had nightmares. HeÂ’d sit up at night, ten times more a wreck after sleep than he had been before night had caught up until, like the effects of morphine setting in on a soldier peppered with shrapnel, relief settled heavily in his gut. The orange arden's words dragged him back to the present, and he held his cheek next to Cayson's, hugging his tightly. And he'd thought of Cay being a socialite, hah. "I only have one close friend," he said quietly. "Nell - he's my bassist. The rest of the band are just... friends. I've never had anyone like you." His breathing stopped momentarily, fingers instinctively curling around his lover's sides as if he relied on the grip to keep from slipping into the ninth circle of hell. "I'll protect you, and you'll protect me, mhm? But you have to promise me one thing - to hold me close at night and keep the nightmares away."</blockquote>
A fluster of emotions. A delicate sort of stirring. It was just enough for Koani to momentarily forget where she was. Dylan's quiet words of protest, of self-depreciation... his hands trembling like dying leaves. All they needed was one sure gust of wind and they'd be free of their stems. Whirling down toward the ground far, far below. Still, his inhibitions didn't stop him from kissing her again. It was Koani who finally made the move to pull away and break their lingering kiss. She wiped the few scattered tears away from her eyes with her right hand. It was with a faint smile that she looked at Dylan. She was already wondering if what had just happened was wrong. Surely there would be repercussions. Had she just ruined something good? Dread. That was the only word for how she was feeling right at that moment. “Dyl. I... you know, according to you, there's probably no one out there good enough for me." ~ Cayson's grip on Requiem was tight as the two of them exchanged words. Requiem's mention of Nell had got him thinking about Radin again. Radin was his best friend. Long ago they'd sworn that no one would come in between them as friends. Not even lovers. However, when Cayson had first started dating Riot, he'd noticed a tinge of jealously from Radin. He had no idea what the other arden would make of Requiem. Cayson had told Radin about Requiem... who's reaction had first been disbelief followed by something else that Cay just hadn't been able to classify. “My best... hm. He's a guy named Radin. I really need to introduce you sometime. He's an ace guy. Really smart but a bit of a player. I haven't talked to him much lately though... he's training in the USR now and his schedule is all over the place. Once he's done though, he's gonna be a certified doctor." Case said as he gently brushed the side of Requiem's cheek with the palm of his hand. “I'll protect you. With me around, those nightmares wouldn't even dare to try and touch you. I promise, 'Quiem." Purred Cayson as he kissed Requiem soundly on the forehead.
<blockquote>ooc. I am ashamed of this post. D: ic. Not for the first nor last time in his life, Dylan felt a fool. A rude fool – the very worst kind, and it seemed to be hardening into a permanent state of being, like concrete blemished with paw prints. "No, no - I didn't mean it like that - I, gosh..." For a time he only gazed at that lean bulk of shimmering purple, and the eyes like oiled metal ringing eternal darkness. He looked into her open eyes and gave her his own weak smile. Their depths stared into his, crystalline flowers of pink, like glittering wells of memory. "Saber was good enough for you. You can't ever forget that," he offered. His mind was already turning inward upon itself, digging at the exhausted depths of his spirit. Memory was becoming a mere wraith to him as his soul spiraled down into a single inner vortex, like the single-minded madness that comes before childbearing - nothing else existed but himself, Koani, and what he was doing. "If you were mine..." he said, looking her in the eye and holding her hands in his. "I'd make you happy. I would be your greatest inspiration, and you would be my catalyst. My lover. My best friend. I’d listen to love songs and I’d cook you breakfast. I'd know nothing they said could compare to how you make me feel." --- "Thank you," he said quietly, breathily, holding him close. "I'd love to meet him," he said, the music of Cay's name shivering in his bones, and he kissed him back on the nose. Grasping Case's hand in his, which he was holding against his heart in much the same way a schoolgirl presses folders to her chest, he focused back on his lover. He wondered, warily, what his father was up to. Everything looked set for yet another awkward, parent-themed 20 seconds when his expression suddenly melted and reformed into a smile – not exactly a dazzling Colgate poster, but it was definitely the sort of curve you would expect to be a smile. "Up to my room?" he asked.</blockquote>
“Tyjji... I wasn't meaning to put words in your mouth either." Generally Koani was more careful with her words, more selective. Still, the nagging thoughts, the negativity and looming dread was starting to have its effect on her. Something didn't feel right. “If..." Koani repeated Dylan's word softly as she looked down at their linked hands. Dylan spoke of beautiful things. He should know though, that the world wasn't beautiful at all. It could be a wretched, hateful thing. As was evidenced by his ravaged fingers and body. “I can't, Dyl." Koani said after a moment, trying to get her brain back in order. When she was stressed, Koani's inner thoughts were often a muddled dialogue of Ramathian and Rapine. The two languages fighting and clashing. “Ine, I... I don't think I can do this. It almost sounds as if you're speaking of a parallel world. Someplace soft and warm, where bad things never happen. That sort of thing can't exist... not here, not now. Please just... just be my friend? I don't want to lose you." ~ “Oh? Well then you shall. Though I may just have to protect you from Radin... specially if he likes what he sees." Cayson's words were teasing and playful. Requiem's encompassing grip on his hand was comforting. He almost felt as if he were about to melt right into the other arden. “Sure," Cay said in response to Requiem's question as he gently traced the lower lip of his lover with his index finger. “We'll probably have a few ah, followers, but I trust you've got a lock of some sort on your room." He chuckled, a warm and bubbly sort of laugh. His irritability from earlier had vanished.
<blockquote>"'Ani'ni - " he pleaded her, his eyes wide and raw with emotion. "Please - just maybe we can try, and - " He stopped suddenly, finding that it was hopeless. She wanted him only as a friend - she didn't need him the way he needed her. The stars were cold and he couldn't leap to grasp them, to pass fist over fist along their lofty networks or knobs, arrive somewhere new and if not safe, at least less henious. They merely mocked, as stars were meant to do. 'I'm sorry," he said brokenly. "I shouldn't have even told you in the first place. I really... I - yes. Dont't ever worry about losing me. I'll always be there at your side. Koani Grader, I kept my heart for only you, and I will always be your dear friend, but I can't ever stop loving you. I will still keep trying for you until I die. I won't stop 'til then. "Never." --- All they were were looping sequence of chemical conversions acting themselves converted, and nothing more. Love was a chemical reaction, and the air around them was filled with electromagnetic waves and sound, and their bodies were formed from wicks of burning neuroses and twisting genes - but even Requiem, musical poet that he was, could not fully explain what he felt for Cayson. And he knew a scientist wouldn't be able to, either. “We'll probably have a few ah, followers, but I trust you've got a lock of some sort on your room." "Ah, I do," he said, giggling. He opened the door to his room and switched on the light before closing it behind them and locking it - it was a white-painted and green-decorated place, with a vast absinthe-colored bed on one side. Requiem sat down on the edge of the bed and, balling up a fistful of Cay's shirt, pulled him forwards. "Mrew," he purred, a grin twisting across his face as his pink, barbell-studded tongue licked Cay's cheek gingerly. He pointed one finger towards the window and the galaxy-studed night. "Look at the stars!" he cried. They were burning tonight like he'd never seen them do before.</blockquote.
There weren't many things in life that Koani wanted. There were even fewer things that she thought that she needed. She needed Dylan, perhaps even more than she was willing to admit. Hers was always a difficult position – her heart and body saying yes, yet her logical mind screaming no. Perhaps if the circumstances were different... perhaps if she weren't so deeply ensnared by a vast political web. She was a danger. A danger to everyone that she knew. Still, it hurt her to see the untamed emotion on his face. Was she making yet another bad decision? “I'm glad that you told me, Dyl. It takes courage, I know." With a rather wistful sigh, Koani affectionately brushed Dylan's right shoulder. “You mean a lot to me. Dyl'ni, E lyba iyo. Give it some time though. I'm already your friend for life." She crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly becoming aware of the cooling night air. “We should probably go back in and rejoin the party... before people start getting ideas in their heads," she smiled. ~ It wasn't too long before Cayson found himself trapped in Requiem's room. A trail of pendragons had indeed followed them, but they were all kept out efficiently by the lock upon the door. The room itself was a sight to see – being boldly decorated in Requiem's own colours. It was the bed that he first became acquainted with. Requiem pulling him onto it via a tug of his shirt. Cayson folded up his legs and cuddled up against Requiem, revelling in the small lick that he had just received. Cay returned the gentle kiss before he followed the other arden's pointed finger. Outside the stars were burning with a sort of intensity that Cay couldn't recall ever seeing. “Oh... wow," he gasped. “I've never seen them do that. Do you think it's magic? I've heard that the barrier to Fronima is very thin around Tumhuem. Or maybe.... today is just as special for them as it is for us."
<blockquote> Quick note here: if this crush/swooning stuff is hard for you to stomach; if you've never had a similar experience, then you should come to grips with the fact that you've got a TV dinner for a heart and might want to consider climbing inside of a microwave and turning it on high for at least and hour. Which if you do consider only goes to show what kind of an idiot you truly are because microwaves are way to small for anyone, let alone you, to climb into. "E lyba iyo," she said in a way that almost sounded like a hymn, leaving him to ponder and perhaps pray upon it. He only nodded as a slow but unmistakeable smile crawled across his face. "Let's go, then," he said, placing a hand at the small of her back and easing them forward to walk back to the rest of the party. --- Requiem smiled as he devoured Cay's lips and they stared at the sky. No answer lay there but their future. They could not care for what they no longer knew - there was only each other. They wandered away from those broken ends of their pasts in the cool Ajita night, and found a celestial retreat - cold and burning and bright - and found a solace as they drank up the stars with their eyes. "I love you," he said to Cayson. "Forever and always."
