Hello every one, (boy this is my first time typing in this thing) I need help in my character. I fixed the spelling errors with a little help from shrinker and lync and that which leaves me to my one MAJOR problem. http://shadowlack.com/persona.php?id=1533my character</a> I made my metarist rlupa too final fantasy like. Though this problem is a huge one i myself can't fix it because i am the one who made him, this is why i need a little pointers in this topic. thank you- ang
I would be happy to lend a hand, but I'm not entirely sure what your problem is. What do you mean when you say, "Though this problem is a huge one i myself can't fix it because i am the one who made him"?
The usual writer's perspective problem: I can't see why this is flawed because I wrote it as perfectly as I could. The usual remedy: Get someone else to review it and pick out all the problems that are invisible to the writer.
well some thing like skylink said though, I am myself my flaws can't be picked out because of them. (one can't find whats wrong with them self or stuff) ok the problem is the fact my character is too much of an final fantasy character luckly meta is not too strong
Hi! Welcome to Ramath ^^. Here's me helping with what I can. First I would like to point out your spelling errors and/or grammatical mistakes. Then in between I'd give an opinion or two. Note that <span style='color:red'>red</span> represents corrected words and <span style='color:blue'>blue</span> represents mistakes I would like to point out. This is under the Trades section: <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>They use <span style='color:red'>their</span> wings as a main source of attack or defence for the main purpose of earning either money, strength and equipment or just for fun.</td></tr></table> This is under the Physical Description: <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>Metarist has metal wings each with 6 blades which are rare in ramath-lehi but <span style='color:blue'>in it’s</span> common in his mothers side of the family, his wings seem to only radiate his fronima if inner sight looks onto him.</td></tr></table> I'm not sure what you meant by "but in it's common in his mother's side". I'm guessing it's a slight grammatical mistake. The correct sentence would be "<span style='color:red'>but it is</span>". The next sentence left me guessing a little. Radiate his fromina? Do you mean an aura of fromina? <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>Metarist fur is mainly black but he also has white fur on the usual places for secondary color on the chest, legs, arms; but fur shaped in a sharp spiky way, as if drawn as <span style='color:red'>a</span> cartoon. <span style='color:blue'>He has light blue with blue shaded area eyes so sharp it causes mirrors to break; unless magically enhanced.</span></td></tr></table> Umm... correct me if I'm wrong; somehow the sentence is just a little strange. I'm sorry I couldn't do much for this part. Maybe JCC or Shriker or someone else could help? Another thing I would like to point out - you seem to say he breaks mirrors just by looking at them? Seems a tad bit illogical. <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><span style='color:blue'>He wears performance enhancing clothes like strong dangly clothes which move with the wind and don't drag him down and lets his Muscles flex easily, but not any of the enchanted stuff with the side affects like magic Resistant down on body (not clothes) or physical alterations.</span></td></tr></table> This is one sentence with too many words and explanations. Makes it a little harder to understand. Perhaps you could spilt it. Like, "He wears light, performance enchancing clothes that do not drag him down and let's his muscles flex easily. It does not have any side effects that weight's down the body or does any physical alterations." This is under Personality: <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>When someone laughs at something Meta says, he seriously means <span style='color:red'>it's</span> no <span style='color:red'>joke</span> at all; If he recites a joke he’ll usually tell you before saying it.</td></tr></table> <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>Metarist always looks at the people of ramath-lehi in suspicion but once anyone gets the better of him well... he’ll do more than helping he'll help in hunts, missions and any thing with danger but he'll look to the logical side of things before choosing to do so.</td></tr></table> After the word "helping", there should be a full stop. "Any thing" could be joined together to be "anything" <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>Helping is too good for Metarist so to feed his evil side he kills monsters and to <span style='color:red'>fulfill</span> his greed by collecting rewards from killing the monsters “<span style='color:blue'>What hurt the world by destroying some distractions.</span>" Meta says.</td></tr></table> I believe the correct word would be "fulfil". Mmm.. didn't really get the quote. Is he stating a hypothetical question? Or is it a simple statement? Yes, your last paragraph seems to be "computer game"-ish. You could tone down on that considering you've described your character wearing suits that help with his physical. Other than that, he's an interesting character. Hope I helped =)
wow boy that was great help um lets see... oh yer when meta looks into mirrors is got to do with his job he had to have a sharp eye when he was learning how to be a elite wing fighter which should be in the history area when i finshed with it. thank you for the help though i'll keep the last paragraph, your right you have been a great help; thx.
