Short storys

Hi,
um,
I have a couple short storys I'm working on but I can't really edit them myself very well without input, and I was wondering two things:
First is if I'm allowed to even do writing esque stuff on the canvas,
Second is if anyone cares for a good couple minute read.

The summery of the story I want input on is that there is a military instalation set in an alternate future where there is a race of slightly magical fish people called Kel who are currently the strongest power on Earth after a messy take over disguised as a political partnership. This story focusus on a particiular Major in that installation who has a personal grudge against the Kel that we discover the origens of in the prequal that isn't anywhere close to done yet.

Just,
y'know,
post if this sounds cool to read and I'll put it on the site.

 

Okay, this segment is called republic of a thousand tears, and I havn't seperated chapters yet. I wrote this like two years ago so I don't remember if it's all spell checked or not so please forgive this obviously amaturish attempts flaws. Here goes.....

To infinety, and beyond.

Jackart was crossing the street for a bottle of milk. He was also being wathced. And he was aware of it. He ducked down, pulled out his .45 and scaned the apartments he was just exiting. spoting movement, he fired once, twice, and a third time before the watcher even registered the first hit. A largish fellow with an ominus rifle plummited to the ground. Jack quickly checked his body for any recording equipment. His search reveald a high-tech recorder,a transmitter, and some sort of wierd eye-piece that he could only assume was a camera or recorder of somesort. He continued over to the store, knowing the body would be gone with only a little ash to pove he ever even existed.

Later that fay in an undrground bunker below the apartment building Jack recieved a call. "What is it?" he inquired to the general diriction of his phone. A deep irish accent replied: "What the hell are ye doing still in yer house!? We need ye out here in Sky Rock Valley!" this was a bad sign. If the resistance said the name of their base outloud on an unsecured (if seldom used) chanal, then it had been found by the Kelthare already. Jack quickly grabbed his gear and ran to his teleporter. He arrrived at a scene of absolute chaos. He could hear the defenses thundering away at anything that moved,and the Kel were returning the favor. He jumped into a THOR's (Twin Halatite Omnicannon Ram) empty gunning canopy and let loose.

Down below a company of enemy solders was slowly making its way up the cliff face when jack begain to fire. One man saw a blaze of gunfire up above and turned to face his captain. "Yes?" inquired the officer. "THOR up above sir," he replied in his guttrul, watery voice just before a pumpkin size hole appeared in his chest.

Jack and the others cheered at the sight of a pair of enemy dropships appearing over a ridge. It gave them an excuse to bring out the new anti-air suites. Jack hurried over to a hanger and put in his security code, bringing out a half-ton beheamath of armor and special new LOKI missles. These turned an enemy ship into a cloud of anti-personal shrapnell in seconds, clearing the way for VALHALLA class elite troop transports and FORTRESS class mobile barricades. In combonation, these could hold off twice the number of opposing remainig without breaking a sweat. The world was suddenly very loud and very bight as the first LOKI went off. Jack would have to move fast if he wanted any of the fun. A few seconds later, jack was closing the cockpit of his armor with an evil grin on his face.

The Kel pilot was just about to turn a THOR pile of a pile of scrap when a shaped charge turned his wingmans ship into a cloud of shrpnell, a huge one that also served as flak. The pilot got to see his arm get sheard off, not to mention his head. The variable armada of ships behind charged in with reckless abandon, there couldn't be over a thousand of those missles, could there? As it turns out there were, but several hundred less would be needed to kill every last one of these Kel.

Jack, laughing as he went, wandered around picking off various ships with glee he had almost never known. That thought made him pause with a heart ache, one that stretched back over 20 years now. Kala Eilee, a kel princes, had been his wife before the war had started. They had three children and 34 years of betrothal, before an aspiring Kel bueracrat decided that should end. Jack found his family, every one of them, covered in blood, huddled in their beds. If Jack had been able to drop the issue, or had made sure not to be careless enough to break into the home of that same man and kill him on camara, the war might never have started. Jack and the rest of humanity didn't care. They, by this point, unanimously agreed that that cold blooded thing had to pay, right along with the rest of his cohorts. It helped that they found the plans for destroying most of our major food production centeres and hospitals in that same Kels desk. But the thought quickly went away, forced down by the rage that was spawned from it. The easiest way for him to calm that rage was to kill few of these dropships.

Commander Telacar McTought was pleased that his call had spurred Jackart to action so quickly. Normally he was slow to arrive, if at all, to any situation less important then catastrophic despite his bloodlust and amazing capabiliteis in battle. Jack knew that this base could hold its own, so his showing up so quickly confirmed that he genuinly cared about things and wasn't just apathetic,or lazy. This was a good sign, for Tel had an assignment that he knew Jack couldn't refuse. Later, after the enemy was dispatched and extra fortifacations were being set in place the commander called a huge meeting for all the majores on the base, and veterens only restrictions preventd only a handfull of the selected group from comming. He quickly got to the point, "Gentleman, as well as any who don't count on that list," he adressed the room, drawing small chuckles from all sides. "We have an exiting chance to hit these inhuman ASSHOLES were it really hurts!" This brought a cheer from the crowd and lots of eager expressions. "We have found out where a meeting of the Kel heads of staff is going to take place. They have the sort of EMP burst transmitters that could take down a bunker full of anti-jamming equipment, so anything more technologicly advanced then a paper clip is gonna have trouble. However, our rifles can still operate as long as they havn't figured out how to turn off chemistry and physics, along with our grendes and sidearms, you will also carry a special scope attachment so you can snipe one or two of these poor, clueless basterds. The breifing for the mission will take place in 3 hours, so i'll need a show of hands for who's coming." A few dozen hands shot into the air, followd by a few others after a moment of contimplation. "So lesse hear... thats about 57 of you. Alright, go get your new gear, some rest and food, followd by the breifing. You leave at dawn tommorow.

Jack arrived at the breifing exactly on time, a little before actully, and got the gear before anyone else had even showd up. Jack wasn't about to miss his cahnce, even if it made the other guys look bad. He was on the dropship first and hit the dirt a full 3 seconds before anyone else. He and his team were dropped off six miles away, only 40 feet outside the EMP umbrella. This was risky, due to possible Kel patrolles, but it got the team to its goal that much faster. They spread out in a delta formation, every one as black as the night they were surrounded by, the outside of their suits textured to the wierd semi-aquatic backround for additional camuflauge. When the team finally reached the Kel meeting point they all took up their rifles and readied themselves for a fight. It was a miricle that they hadn't encounterd any resistance, but they knew that if anywhere, they'd find some here. Jack got his weapon ready and crouched loww to fire through the window opening near the top of the cylindracal bunker, but then saw the human women. Around tewnty of them, all nude and chained, obviuosly either the entertainment or even delacese, Jack didn't care. All he saw were twenty some familys mourning and near that number of Kel higher-ups that were about to die. The squad leader was just making sure that everyone was ready to fire when Jack exploded into action. Not even waiting for hte order to fire, in two seconds three guards and one bigshot were down and out for the count, each gushing blood and screaming. Jack emptied his clip in only a few more moments, then withiout even bothering to reload, jumped down into the room.

For security cheif Alan Whoentio, it was an absolute nightmare. Gunfire from all sides and one crazy man trying to tear out the throat of Alan's boss. The one on the ground was having just as easy of a time as the ones up high due to his impossible strength and speed. For every one in the room the snipers took out, the insane one got two. Within seconds Alan found himself in a puddle of his own blood, not even screaming, just staring at the man above him with absolute paralizing terror. Staring at one of his hearts clutched in the hands of a sphyco.

The armor that broke his fingers in the process of tearing out the last ones left heart didn't deter him any with his next victem either. The pitiful thing just whined and let it happen, wich helped. He immidiatly switched to his next foe, a wepon bradishing security agent. He shifted his center of gravity, leaped, and came down on the other side of the Kel. He struck with deadly effeciancy, and killed the thing with his bare hands in 2.5 seconds by breaking its neck. Half the time it took for the snipers to aquire targets, being so used to bio-enhancements. He growled and looked around for anything else to kill, but the only things still alive in the room were him and the women, wich were shaking. He quickly went over and unshackled them, apologizing for taking so long and telling them how strong they were for all they had lived through. They muttered thanks and asked if they could get some clothes and protection. The major handed over a bottle full of nano-weave, it would grow clothes over their bodys using dead or heavily damaged tissue as fuel, thereby healing them while giving them their dignity back. Many of the officers quickly handed over their side arms to the women and a few even voulenteered to be gaurds for them. The ladies accepted all of the offered items and services, and also asked for a bit of food. Everything they asked for was provided quickly, and soon they were ready to move.

Commander Talot Romalha was pacing furiosly. According to reports a small group of humans had snuck on base! This would be absolutely unacceptable to his leaders. Luckily, they hadn't left yet. Tal was about to order a strike squad out to destroy these intruders when a klaxon sounded and his moniter turned back on. His look turnned from frusterated rage to absolute horor as he realized the implications of what was on his screen. First and foremost, it ment the emp generaotor was destroyed, second was that he got to watch the forty seconds of carnage on tape from his Eye-Spy living camara that happend in the meeting room just minutes before. He went to his gaurd room and called for every solder on base to find those damn humans, and bring him their heads.

Jack quickly retook command of himself after they left the building. The other members of the squad watched him bandedge his hand and reload his wepon. They were watching for the maniac that almost blew the opreation. The squad commander Dale watched Jack with a grin, knowing the other members of the strike force thought that he had already blown their cover and was going to have another outburst. Suddenly the dropships radiod in, "Sir, Ijust thought you oughta know that the EMP generator was down and that the enemy deffinatly has a bead drwn on you by now. Want us o come pick you up?" Dale swore under his breath, the dropship jocky was right, the Kel were definatly perparing to attack. "Yes," he breathed into his mike, "come and pick us up. But be quick about it! You never know when air support might come in handy." "Yessir," replied the pilot, all to eager to test out these new guns on his bird.

The pilot in question was Elfarandoman Kalansad, or Elfer. He was one of the best in the resistance, even though he was still a rookie. The guns in question were new A.I. controled THORs. What they lacked in power they made up for tenfold with the speed and accuracy provided by the new computers running them. The guns could still tear through most anything like paper however. Elfer quickly found out that , to his delight, it was also just as affective against tanks as the old version. Jack, still on the ground, also enjoyd this display of air supperiority immensly. Even more so the Loki missles Elfer manneged to smuggle on to his bird.

A short while later everyone was on board and headed back to base, the Kel dispatched. All of the women they had rescued were checking databases for any hint of their familys. Jackart was cleaning his wepons and reloading them, Another man noticed this. "Jesus Jack, we won! You look like your still preparing for battle! Just relax, take a chill pill, just calm down." Jack looked up, "And suppose they should launch an attack on us while all of the gunners are snoozing? I don't think so." This shut the other man up untill he looked around for somebody else to talk to.

Alarm klaxons went off all over the base. Jack, who had taken to living back here ,was up armed and even clean shaven within 2 minutes of the alarm sounding and headed straight for the command office. "What's going on?" he shouted over the din. "Were showing a largish Kel force approching at-" CRRRRAAAAASSSHHHH! This quickly interupted the small speaker box attached to the now neatly shreded computer. A large creature with extreamly intimadating features such as foot long claws reared up at Jack. It was given a short burst of automatic wepons fire to the heart for its trouble. A small security squad bounded around the corner and ,as if by practice, unanimously examined the grizzly scene, nodded approvel and moved on. A fighter captain and his flight group came around the same corner less then a second later and they all just stopped and gaped. "Get to your fighters!" was all Jack said to them before moving along. A long group of fire fights followd, but Jack was safe. Later when the men were all sitting back in the break room counting dead on special scoreboards and laughing Jack asked "Hey, anyone else run into more then three of those beast things?" he adresed the room. A few nods went around but very few people had, all of them from the strike group from the previous night. "Okay, and anyone else run into a group of enemy soldeirs large enough to honestly worry you?" The same people aknowledged him. With that and a considerable recipt counting his dead opponents, he marched up to the commanders office. "Yes Jack?" came the reply from inside. "I wanted to speak with you sir, candidly." "Well by all means Jack! Come in come in!" Jack closed the door behind him and explained his suspicion that the latest raid was meant to kill Jack and his squad mates from the other evening and showed his kill counter, along with some of his freinds for proof. Tackart was absolutely astounded. "You mean to say the Kel hunted you down to out here, for a little revenge?!" he shouted . "This was PAYBACK?! They've never been this determind or stupid before, wht in the HELL IS GOING, ON!?" Jack tried his best to quell his supriors rage, and finaly something caught his eye. "Wow sir, thats a preatty looking kill counter," this silenced his boss immdiatly. "Well, I still occasionally get to blow a few of these scumbags back to the ocean. I practice with my rifle every day to make sure I can still shoot and that my gun is in good oreder. It's really satisfying." Jack was pleased that his attempt had such jurrastic and instintanious effects. A raving and ranting session completely halted with one comment! This was fine untill the under attack klaxon started to flare again, but quickly turned off along with every other peice of electronics in the whole building. "Thats one strong e.m.p. burst," examind Jack calmly, "They must've brought something new." Both men shouldered their wepons and disapeared into the shadows of the now dark hallway.

Talot himself came to visit this time, followd by a squad of nocturnal assassins with swords. The new portal was working wonderfully! It was sending out such an amazing enrgy pulse that they needn't have brought the E.M.P. generators! Besides that it allowed them to ferry troops back from base! How absolutely wonderful! he thought again. He was just about to skewer an ususpecting human when a sustained burst from a pair of assault rifles cut down him and his entire group, two shadows slunk back into the night. All around the compound both species died. Veterens killed the usually silent Kel, and the fish people returned the favor on any cadets they found. At one point, a large and unseen force decided to try its hand in the game of fate. This force was evrywhere on Earth, lying dormant. As one of the energy fluxes that came from the portal siganling the arrival of another wave of troops, something went wrong. There was a flash as creatures of all types evaporated, screaming an unearthly keening release of all the worlds misiry, and then there was Jack.

He looked around. He saw, flashing past him, a new kind of light. One never seen in the human spectrum, at least not at any point in time that a human would be there to see. It was the sight of gods, an extaordinary blend of logic, beauty, and sheere unadulterated life. In the brief second of eternity he witnessed, he saw, he was, and he controlled, all.

This will be the next chapter in his life, one that takes place long before he was even possibly in the mind of the powers that create everything and anything on a whim. This is the story of the force that will lie dormant for thousands of years. This is the story of their jaunt in the body of a man who's had to see all, to be able to see them.

 

Nice writing Ang, I hope to see what else you've got once it's a little more done. As for how long I work on this stuff I write massive segments like that in one week periods of incredible inspiration followed by months and months of writers block on a large scale.

 

Yeah, I'm a bit of a weaponry nut. Basicly that story grew out of a binge on military channal, a few vrey neat dreams and a dark imaginationary period.

To hear the VERY rough outlines of the segments post and prior this story, just say so and to hell with numbers or beeps.