last night after my high school's winter pep rally, one of my teachers, who played in the Faculty v. Senior basketball game, died in his office of a heart attack. he was only in his 50s. i'm really upset and shocked by this, because he was the star of the game yesterday. he singlehandedly pwned our class, 25-5. and while he might've been *somewhat creepy*, you could say, he was still a great teacher and person to talk to. we held a memorial service for him today, on our last day of school. we were supposed to have a Christmas reflection and Christmas Concert, but those plans changed immediately. i feel like i'm an awful person, because i've said stuff about him that i didn't mean... and i feel like i'm an awful person because my aunt died last year, and i didn't even shed one tear. i wasn't sad at all. and then this happens, to a man i barely know and yet felt so close to, and yet there i was today, in the last row, sobbing as if he was my own father. nothing has ever hit me this hard before, and he wasn't even a family member.
Life has a lot of twists and turns. Some pleasant, some not. I can understand the confusion of why you cried over him and not over your own relative. Whent hat happened to me, i came to the conclusion that it is because i never had the chance to get to know the person. that i missed out on knowing someone. And that people that DID know the person, were very lucky to have. Dont kick yourself for who you cried over and who you didnt. Things like that just happen. Its not like you didnt care for both people and werent just as sad. Sometimes events earlier in the day, or week can cause you to break down easier. Its just the moment in time. As long as you keep the memory of the person in your heart, all is well. (wow did that just sound cliche or what. o.O But its true)
thanks jess. its been a rough day... even just walking into the school, it felt weird. like there was something in the air that was off... and it was so quiet. my school is never quiet. sigh. i've cried too many tears today.
... that teaches you that at anytime someone may die and that not to talk about people like that because it may come back at ya and kick ya in the rear.
...thats really an awful thing to say. i started this topic just to vent. thank you ang, for reminding me of what an asshole i really am. that just made my entire day better. for one thing, you don't know me at all. and for all you know, this teacher may have been a pervert or mentally unstable. its happened before. so don't tell me that i shouldn't say shit about people. i already know that anything i may have said was wrong. you don't need to add to that. and as i said before, i've cried too many tears. THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME CRY SOME MORE. i hope you feel better about yourself.
Ang, that was uncalled for. D: That's an awful shock to the system. -lots of hugs- Don't dwell on the things you said, everyone says things they don't mean. Keep good memories of him. As for the different reaction, I agree with Jess. Current circumstances play a huge role. And it's also really hard to deal with loosing someone you see so often, things are going to feel really strange for a while. Wishing you lots of strength and comfort
i'm sorry it's just my people skills are undeveloped because 6 years of avioding contact with people in a school full of people who bully and gossip bad stuff those do that to ya. So i'm still working on that.
i know how you feel ang, in my school its pretty much the same. i just tend to ignore what they say, and if they want to make fun of or bully me, they better be prepared to take what they dish out. ten years of drama and drama club makes you quick on your feet, lol. and thanks for the nice words kylie. i love you =D
